I’m in love with Wendy Wilkins
I can’t eat or sleep or think
Wendy Wilkins Wendy Wilkins Wendy Wilkins!
I write her name in purple ink.
I’ve got a crush on Julie Morgan
it’s so bad I think I’ll die
Julie Morgan Julie Morgan Julie Morgan!
She’s a rainbow in the sky
I’m going nuts for Nasreen Begum
she’s the only one for me
Nasreen Begum Nasreen Begum Nasreen Begum!
She’s the sparkle on the sea
I want to marry Mary Miller
I can’t live without her smile
Mary Miller Mary Miller Mary Miller!
Let me take you up the aisle.
Last night I got a text. It said
Ur a loser ur a freak
get lost else i’ll report U
from WW. Things are bleak.
So I went and looked on Facebook
I went straight to Julie’s page
It said J IS IN A RELATIONSHIP (heart).
She found someone more her age.
So I thought I’d go round Nasreen’s
since I’m her biggest fan.
Her dad got the door and stared at me.
I didn’t speak. I ran.
Then I emailed Mary Miller,
I said I luv you, please be mine.
Two hours later I got her answer:
You’re twelve. I’m twenty-nine.
So I sat alone in silence
with my empty, hurting heart.
The clouds outside were gathering
my world was cracked apart.
Is there no one who will love me?
Is there no one who will care?
Wendy, Julie, Nasreen, Mary?
s’not fair s’not fair s’not fair.
But today my best friend texted me
U wanna come & play?
He was totally excited
You must come STR8 away!!!
So I cycled like a comet
and when I got to Lenny’s place
I felt the sunshine warm my insides
and a smile grew on my face.
Lenny’s arms were full of something,
something miniature and grey.
I’ve called her Misty, Lenny whispered
She’s a poor abandoned stray.
I dunno where she’s come from
I found her all alone
She was meowing by the motorway
I think she needs a proper home.
Misty’s eyes were chocolate puddings
Misty’s fur was rainy clouds
her nose was soft marshmallow.
I kissed her. She snored quite loud.
I’m in love with Misty Mystery!
I’m so alive and wild and free!
My lovely Misty Misty Mystery!
Wendy Wilkins? Huh? Who’s she?